Today was like being shown a delicious plate of warm, soft cookies only to have it snatched away.
We rowed well. By the end my legs were on fire and my head exploding from my rapid heart rate shoving oxygen around my body. I’ve never rowed so hard in my life. We did all we could. The boat stayed rather level and our cox’n kept us close in the buoys. We shoved by two boats.
But we only got 7th. I couldn’t believe it. Anything in the top 5 I could live with. I swore we’d be close to a bronze–at least! But 7th? I was upset for a while. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone for a bit because it felt like someone had ripped my guts out.
I asked myself, “what could I have done better?” Maybe sit up a little taller? Engage more at the catch? Would doing any of that helped the boat enough to move up the standings? Push more in the first 1000?
It just feels rotten to know I rowed as well as I can, but because I’m so young (28) I kill our team’s chances of winning due to the handicap system. How can 21 seconds compete with 76?
In the women’s 4+, we placed 8 of 22. I feel good about that. Why? I rowed in a boat with two women I’ve never met until half an hour before launching, after rowing myself sick that morning, in a notoriously fussy boat with a scrambled cox box. 8 of 22 is pretty damn good in those conditions. I’d be different if we’d been rowing together for 3 months with the sole purpose of kicking some butt.
I’m sure I will write more later. I’ve plenty to say, but hours of sleep are waiting for me.